I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
