Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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