K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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