My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
