3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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