first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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