Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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