My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
