sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
