You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
