is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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