Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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