If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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