dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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