I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
