Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
