Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
