He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
