sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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