I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
