Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
