I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
