And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
