Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
