I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
