My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
