Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
