Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
