I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
