now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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