kristin has been a bad kristin
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
