I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize