She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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