The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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