you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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