I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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