Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
