I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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