well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
