i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
