I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
