He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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