That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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