sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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