so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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