You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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