??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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