# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Randomize
