There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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