You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
