Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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