i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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