Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
