My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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