the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
