i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
