Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
