he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Randomize
