You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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