Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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