I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
