Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
