Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
