I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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