she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
