i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
