omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
