Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
