Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
