you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I just put wine in my tea
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
