The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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