I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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